That’s quite a shocking headline isn’t it? Let’s get one thing straight from the off, my story is a lot different to probably all those other ones that you have either read of hear about on the TV.
This blog has come about because I have been watching a series on NOW TV called A Friend of the Family. For those of you who haven’t watched it or don’t know the story, it is the story of the Broberg family, the parents, who have now faced all sorts of criticisms for their behaviour at the time the show is about. The show details the friendship between the Broberg family and their neighbour Bob ‘B’ who became entangled with the family, all of them at first. It became very obvious from the start that he had a special interest in Jan, their oldest daughter. Fast forward a couple of months, a ‘B’ kidnaps Jan. He then sets up a whole ruse that they have been abducted by Aliens and they have to be together because that’s what these Aliens wanted and they needed to save their planet, he even threw in a threat to Jan’s sister’s life to cement Jan’s participation. It was mind control and grooming at it’s most gruesome. This isn’t the only time Jan was taken, she left the family home to go back to ‘B’ again. She didn’t see the lie behind what he was telling her – it was heart breaking to watch.
So, this story brought back some real memories for me. I will say from the off, my story is not similar to Jan’s in any way. I was not told that I had to save the aliens that were coming to visit this planet, but equally, I was not 10 years old when I was groomed. I was 18 years. Yes, you read that right. EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. Now before you jump on me and start saying how could you let that happen at that time of your life, blah blah blah, just let me explain OK?
Going back, I was a shy quiet child. I didn’t really have a lot of friends. We grew up in a “rough” area when I was younger, I remember not having a lot of friends here. When we moved when I was 12, I moved schools shortly afterwards but I don’t ever remember hanging out with friends after school. I was more into books and learning than I was into going out and hanging around the streets doing nothing. I say this, because it gives you the picture of the type of kid I was. I was shy and quiet.
I went to college when I was 16, this was extremely young for anyone to try to deal with the stresses of this but I did it. I studied journalism and PR in college. I loved the course. It was great. We had a photographer teacher who wore leather trousers everyday and held his photography classes in a shed. It was awesome. While I was in college, I decided that I needed to earn some money to help me pay my way through college. The local Dunnes Stores (think Tesco of Ireland – though there is a Tesco too!) was hiring staff so off I went to try to get myself a job. It wasn’t going to be my first job. I had already worked in my local Dunnes Stores and had worked with my Mum at her cleaning job when I younger! So I figured I had a good chance. I was right. I managed to get myself a job. And there begins the story of a man and how he groomed a young naive woman.
I started at Dunnes Stores when I was 16. I worked on the checkouts. To be honest I loved it. I know that’s odd to hear from any type of retail worker but honestly I did. The staff were great, we were all young, in college and having a great time. I’d been there 3 weeks and then I met him. Joe Fennell. Joe was the night pack manager, which meant that he was in charge of all the staff that came in at 6pm and stayed until the store was ready for business the next day, usually 1/2am.
At the beginning, myself and Joe would just chat. General chit chat about the day, he did that with everyone though. There was nothing special about it. As time moved on though, it felt almost like he was searching me out at times, but he couldn’t be could he? Nah. I was imagining it. More time moves on. No he’s definitely searching me out at times now. He’s purposely waiting for me to walk to the end of the checkouts before he walks out etc.
About six months into my time at Dunnes Stores I was asked if I would like to go and work on the customer service desk. I jumped at the chance. It was something else to add to my CV and in somewhere like Dunnes, I felt it would be a real challenge. Once I was trained up and left to my own devices on my night time shift, Joe became a frequent visitor to the desk, just for a chat.
This went on for a long time, I was 17 years, nearly 18 and still working in Dunnes. At this point, it was clear (Ok, so I thought it was clear at that time) that we both had feelings for each other. Joe told me that he wouldn’t do anything until I was 18. The week after I turned 18, we “officially” got together. Officially, in secret. No one knew. No one.
I think it’s time I gave you some facts. Joe at this stage in the proceedings is still living with his wife. He has told me she is his ex wife, they are no longer together he said. He moved out once, I went to see him before work one day and she called him, didn’t like what she heard and turned up on the doorstep and threw me out of this house. Those are not the actions of an ex wife.
Joe has daughters who are older than me. They once told me that I wasn’t the only young girl he had been with. The more I heal, the more I believe this.
Our “relationship” consisted of stolen moments in work, Joe would meet me in secret. At the time I wasn’t even thinking about the hurt I would cause my parents if/when they found out. They did eventually find out, I had gone to Joe’s house one night saying that I was going to a friend’s house. I was really late home, like proper late home, to be honest it was my own fault.
A short while after this Joe asked me to marry him.
To be so wrapped up in this relationship, that I was acting so out of character, is really scary. As I sit writing this, I can see how the relationship affected my behaviour.
A short while after this, Joe ended up being diagnosed with cancer. Initially he was told they could beat it. He was living on his own, we were still together. Within two weeks of his diagnosis, he had moved back in with his ex wife. At the time, he convinced me it was just so that he had someone to take care of him.
I spoke to him every couple of days, he called the bookshop I worked in at the time. Then the calls stopped. I was told that he was coming in to see all the people in the centre we worked in (the bookshop was in the same centre as Dunnes Stores), he did come in, but he did not come anywhere near me.
By time time one of the staff members from Dunnes Stores told me that Joe had passed away, it had been nearly 4 months since I spoke to him. His daughter came to visit me at work one day shortly after his death, basically shouting at me, not making much sense, but she did say that I was not the only young girl Joe had been with.
So, like I said my story is not the same as others. I was not a young girl, I say I was 18, but really I was 16 when he started. It’s taken me a long time to recognise that what Joe was doing was grooming behaviour and that there was never any actual feelings there at all.
I am lucky, I have found the greatest man I could ever have. Don came into my life 8 years ago and I do not know what I would do without him. He has helped me to heal from the past trauma and I will continue to do so.
If you have any questions/comments, please feel free to get in touch xx
Take care and stay safe xx
A xx
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